Shitty little cars that have their rear windows plastered with frangipani stickers.
If you're guilty of this, DO NOT LEAVE THIS WEBPAGE. You're going to sit your Boost Juice sipping ass back on that chair and you're going to get EDUCATED.
Nobody thinks your car is "prettier" except you. You're absolutely not original, and in 25 years time when you've successfully figured out how to breed you're going to hate yourself for it. And your kids will probably hate you too.
This is one of the less severe cases I've seen. Even still, my rage knows no bounds.It started off innocently enough a few years ago where you'd only see the average beach-going blonde girl driving around with one. You know what? I was kind of okay with that. It might have been because I was harshly accelerating to get a better look at the driver. But then it started spreading at an alarming rate. Every Excel, Echo and Barina I saw on the road had massive yellow frangipanis on the rear window. AND THEN THEY DISCOVERED THE OTHER COLOURS! It was well and truly on like Donkey Kong now. I can now head out and see cars with multiple coloured frangipanis, in rainbow patterns. Frangipanis in each corner. Spreading to the other windows of the car.
You know what else I could be describing here? SMALLPOX.
Here's an actual conversation I had at the pub one night with a girl that admitted to havingsmallpox frangipani stickers.
Me: Wait. You have SIX frangipani stickers on your car?
Girl: Yeah! Why not?
Me: They're tacky and unoriginal. I'm also being incredibly polite about this.
Girl: But they're cute!
Me: How is a tacky vinyl flower 'cute'?
Girl: They're... I don't know, they just are!
Me: No, PUPPIES are cute. The Easter Bunny is cute. Putting an over-priced frangipani sticker on the rear window of your car isn't cute. It's posing.
Girl: You can't buy puppy stickers! Besides, I got them for like $35.
Me: Wow! Look at all the money you've saved!
Girl: My car's cute. I like spending money on it.
Me: Give me a contact number for your father, he needs to know what's happening to the car he's paying off.
Girl: Whatever. I'm thirsty. Want to buy me another vodka and lime?
Me: No.
If this was feudal Japan, you'd all be committing seppuku for this.
You know what else I could be describing here? SMALLPOX.
Here's an actual conversation I had at the pub one night with a girl that admitted to having
Me: Wait. You have SIX frangipani stickers on your car?
Girl: Yeah! Why not?
Me: They're tacky and unoriginal. I'm also being incredibly polite about this.
Girl: But they're cute!
Me: How is a tacky vinyl flower 'cute'?
Girl: They're... I don't know, they just are!
Me: No, PUPPIES are cute. The Easter Bunny is cute. Putting an over-priced frangipani sticker on the rear window of your car isn't cute. It's posing.
Girl: You can't buy puppy stickers! Besides, I got them for like $35.
Me: Wow! Look at all the money you've saved!
Girl: My car's cute. I like spending money on it.
Me: Give me a contact number for your father, he needs to know what's happening to the car he's paying off.
Girl: Whatever. I'm thirsty. Want to buy me another vodka and lime?
Me: No.
If this was feudal Japan, you'd all be committing seppuku for this.
Always quality tastywheat! gold!
ReplyDeleteShit i hate to think what this post would of been like if the Magic Happens stickers were in your firing line
ReplyDeleteHehehehe, yesss. Hit the nail on the head, chook. The main thing I hate about those piece of shit stickers is the fact that they're an ornament that then blocks out 40% of your viewing area out of that window, causing the twat owner of said horrifically tattooed vehicle to back directly into the car behind them when reverse parking and then loudly proclaim that it was an accident 'because they couldn't see the other car'.
ReplyDeleteIt is a blight on this nation, and I'm frankly surprised that customs haven't cracked down on it yet.
As an addition, may I suggest the ultra-bogan southern cross stickers? I'm not talking the little ones, per se, more the fuck-off big ones that invariably spread across the entire rear windshield and are accompanied by some uplifting patriotic statement like 'Australia: love it or leave' that really drives home the message of multicultural understanding.
Kinda makes me want to design my own car sticker. 'Australia: it was better before Bogans considered themselves cultural identities instead of a joke'. I know it's a bit long and wordy, but I know my target audience.
These stupid little stickers are almost as bad the playboy bunny stickers. My friend had one, and after we teased her non-stop about it for a few years she finally removed it taking half the paint on her car off while she was at it. I was home on the weekend (bogansville) and spotted quite a few southern cross stickers on cars, also spotted alot of mullets. They seem to go hand in hand...
ReplyDeleteArgh! I spotted another evolution of this horrible phenomena yesterday - a dangly frangipani thing hung from the rear-view mirror a la fuzzy dice. But more horrendous and evil.
ReplyDeleteThis car was bedecked in the bloody things. Frangipani seat covers. 5 stickers on the rear window. 2 each on the rear passenger windows.
I felt like throwing up.