You could not have cut the resulting tension with a chainsaw. Everyone looked at me in disbelief. "WHAT? You don't like PRAWNS?" was the reply. I would not be suprised if people AT OTHER TABLES stopped their lunchtime coversation so they could listen in to this apparent AFFRONT against ALL THAT IS HOLY.
Whenever I tell people I don't like prawns, they are taken aback as though I just cancelled Christmas. If I mentioned that I didn't like cauliflower (and I DON'T) that would be okay. You might even get a few compassionate nods from across the table. But prawns? Don't even fucking go there, hombre. At no time is this seen clearer than during summer lunches when everybody is shelling and eating prawns, watching television and feeding a few wayward crustaceans to the cat. Why can't we go back to what the Vikings did and skin rabbits around a campfire?
A quick Google Image Search revealed these people may also hate prawns.While tearing something's head off and throwing it's nervous system into a bowl invokes memories of Mortal Kombat, the actual taste of the little bastards is something I can't stand. If it didn't die screaming in a field somewhere, I CAN'T EAT IT.
Oh! Oh! Hang on! Did someone mention beetroot? Get the checkout chick on the PA system because there's about to be a cleanup in aisle three.
I know plenty of people who like beetroot, but they constantly whinge about it. It's like a porn film full of bipolar nymphomaniacs. The ultimate love/hate relationship. They somehow love the taste, but those stains are a bitch, aren't they? My opinion of beetroot is this:
a) It tastes like dirt. 'Earthy' is never a good way to describe food.
b) The aftermath looks like a fucking murder scene.
'Get SWAT on the line. The killer had a hamburger with The Lot.'
Oh! Oh! Hang on! Did someone mention beetroot? Get the checkout chick on the PA system because there's about to be a cleanup in aisle three.
I know plenty of people who like beetroot, but they constantly whinge about it. It's like a porn film full of bipolar nymphomaniacs. The ultimate love/hate relationship. They somehow love the taste, but those stains are a bitch, aren't they? My opinion of beetroot is this:
a) It tastes like dirt. 'Earthy' is never a good way to describe food.
b) The aftermath looks like a fucking murder scene.
'Get SWAT on the line. The killer had a hamburger with The Lot.'No matter how delicate you are with food, add beetroot to it and it will never be good enough. Trying to finish a burger with beetroot on it is more stressful than defusing live explosives. The slightest case of the shakes will end up with several people covered in claret and a stampede towards the nearest chemical bath to DE-CONTAMINATE themselves. How is that fun, nutritious or even legal? Time to call my solicitor. We have history to make.
1 prawns wothof energy. green ass gas. + minus one - you are unique and special. go indivudual!
ReplyDeleteOh my, I thought I was alone for all these years.. I too have been subjected to social ridicule for not sharing the commoner's love of crustaceans. Will they never stop!
ReplyDeleteFear not, my chook friend. You have a comrade.
Peace.
Kinda wandered off halfway through there, didn't ya? Totally with you on the whole "Dismember while you eat! Fun for the family" aspect. Push a whole calf through a pizza oven, plonk it on the table next to a giant bowl and then see how eager the glib little shits are.
ReplyDeleteWow. And here I was thinking I was the only person in the world who hated prawns... And beetroot.
ReplyDeleteWorry not, I too am a hater of the prawn. Just don't like 'em. That said, the response I normally get from others is 'Oh well, all the more prawns for me. Especially from parents.
ReplyDeleteOf course I'm quite happy to help shell the little buggers. Is that weird? Merrily dismembering tiny sea creatures? Nah, I'm sure it's fine.
Ohhhh, but I do loooove me some beetroot. Don't know why, but I like the taste of it. The purple death is just part of the challenge, which I accept whole heartedly.
As a matter of fact, I eat all messy foods quite happily - I don't know if I've told you this before, but it's to do with my theory of food messiness. The deliciousness of a meal is directly proportional to the messiness of said meal at any given point in time. Hence, as you destroy a well structured plate of nachos, as everything gets messier (hands included), the whole lot gets tastier. Or maybe you just enjoy it more, I dunno.
Some other foods this extends to - spaghetti, ice cream and topping, curries (which are kinda messy to begin with), kebabs and definitely hamburgers with the lot.
Fletch - Working in Bankstown, I am well versed in the mythical Bass Hill Exploding Kebab. I'm usually pretty good at the whole kebab technique but these things just fucking destroy me. You know that bit in Aliens when the marines get wiped out by xenomorphs and crap is flying everywhere? It's like that but with more panicked screaming.
ReplyDeleteJP - Pushing a calf into a pizza oven will in most cases require that the animal is pre-natal. I can't say I've ever aborted a cow fetus before 'because we are expecting guests', but whatever floats your boat.
Grant - have you been drinking?
Neek - Forwards, for the motherland!
CPD - There is nothing I can really reply to in your post. It's not like I can diagree with you or anything. Sorry.
That's ok, I love you anyway.
ReplyDeleteI am exactly the same. When I eat a bowl of fried rice from my local chinese eatery, there's always a clump of prawns and peas left at the bottom. Actually I do like peas, but not with rice.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog via Twitter. It's always nice to meet another chicken with a blog! I shall check back at a later date...