When I was a kid, I was told that I was special and I could do anything if I put my mind to it. Teachers, television, even Timon and Pumbaa from the fucking Lion King all seemed to be queuing up for a chance to be included in my own personal cheersquad. It seemed to be a good thing at the time because if a cel-shaded meerkat has utter faith in me, then success is assured.
It was about this time that a friend of mine bought a dirtbike around to my house. It was his new pride and joy - yellow, noisy, even road registered. It kicked ass. He had made several modifcations to it to make it a better ride and I'm pretty sure I remember him saying he wanted to be buried with it (He was 16 at the time). It was all those hard-earned life lessons from everyone else that rang in my head as I was offered the chance to have a go at his dirtbike. Nevermind that I've never ridden a motorcycle before or had much of an idea how a clutch operated.
'It can't be too hard!' I remember thinking, as I revved the bike and waved to my mum who was jumping up and down, protesting over the ning-ning of the engine. 'Just like riding a really loud BMX!' I thought as I pushed the kickstand up. 'What the hell', I exclaimed in horror as the bike launched off at speed, throwing me into the side of the house.
My friend ran over to his bike, checking for scratches and dints while I dusted myself off. I wasn't allowed to ride his dirtbike after that. Fucking meerkats.
The reason I mention this is because of this teen sailor that's in the news, Jessica Watson. You may remember her for trying to be the youngest sailor to circumnavigate the globe solo. Turns out she isn't quite up to the task at this stage, since she managed to crash her boat into a 63,000 ton bulk carrier less than 24 hours into her trip. Riddle me this - how can you possibly expect to safely sail around the globe for eight months when you can't even make it a day without stacking into a target the size of a football field? She didn't just drop the ball with this one - she dropped the ball, tripped over, knocked out her teeth when her face hit the ground, and then accidentally swallowed them.
OH SHIT LOOK OUT THERE'S A FUCKING BOAT BEHIND YOU
Not discouraged by that, Our Jess declared that she would attempt the feat again. Almost immediately, every government official and maritime authority in the country stood up and told her that this was a stupid idea. 'No! Bad Jess! No Biscuit!' they cried out, using such futile tactics such as logic and reason to persuade her to go back to Boating School. It was revealed that she didn't even manage basic tasks while she was at sea. But no! THAT COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE IT! Her mother went on record this week and said that we were all doubting her because she is a girl.
Knock knock - We're all doubting her because she can't sail more than 24 hours before crashing into something. This has nothing to do with being female. Don't fucking bring that shit into it. At the risk of sounding like a callback radio guest, I think the parents are to blame. Personally I would've pulled the plug as soon as I learned that the boat she was sailing was pink enough to lead the next Mardi Gras. Look at that. No, open up the image again and LOOK. LOOK WITH YOUR EYES. I wonder if there's a fucking frangipani sticker on the back.
I'm sure there are cheaper and less disastrous ways to get your kid to move out of home. I learned my lesson when I flew headfirst into a brick wall, maybe Jessica Watson should do the same before she accidentally falls asleep and crashes into Fiji.
Agreed.
ReplyDelete@brianna and I used to sail a lot as kids. Every Saturday morning we'd be down at the Port Kembla Sailing Club, fartarsing about in skyriders and sabots, capsizing lots and generally having fun. Then we'd go warm up, dry off and have a fuck off delicious apple pie with cream from the tuck shop. :D
That was around lake Illawarra, not THE OCEANS OF THE WORLD.
I get the impression this girl is probably going to die, or worse, if she attempts this trip. A full scale cruising yacht capable of international travel is a difficult boat to handle! Hell, a trailer yacht is enough work that two people will be pretty busy getting it from A to B.
Now, rigging and automation will go some way, but if that fucker capsizes, it's not going upright again, and seeing as the girl wasn't aware that SOMEONE SHOULD MAN THE HELM AT ALL TIMES WHEN YOU ARE IN A BUSY SHIPPING LANE (apparently she was below deck or some shit), I don't think her maritime skills are gonna be up to snuff keeping the boated righted when she hits a fucking great storm. And she will hit a fucking great storm, you can be sure of that.
OK, now - I'm all for chasing your dreams, and if you're gonna go then go fuckin' huge... But there are limits on common sense that I don't feel have been observed here. You know what other 16 year olds do? They go on the Young Endeavour. Why not try that first, yeah?