Cruelty to animals: IT STOPS NOW (either that or when the steak's cooked)

Now you're going to have to believe me when I say I'm not some kind of bunny-hugging hippie (Rabbits carry diseases) and that I'm not one to burst into tears when a tree gets chopped down. I'm sure if you regularly read this page you'll have somehow formed the opinion I'm a pretty easy-going guy (Besides well, most things ever). Well allow me to crush your opinions like the hopes and dreams of the Australian Cricket Team.

This is my spot to say that if you're cruel to animals, I'll break your face in twain like a twiggenbottle.

Don't get me wrong, I love steak and if I could eat it 24/7 like the cavemen did, I would, but there are things that push me over the edge. Things like being poked repeatedly, being called "tiger" by the elderly, and shit like this:

This is my dog, Blake. Say hello, Blake! Oh wait, you can't because you're too embarrassed to exist. Years of intensive training to be a heartless killing machine and then it all gets thrown out the window because some clown thought it might be cute to put a Christmas hat on him. I can guarantee the only reason this happened is because I wasn't there to give him the green light to rip everyone to shreds. I only got sent this photo yesterday and to be hone-OH WAIT HERE'S ANOTHER ONE

They're not looking at the camera because they're plotting their revenge. By scoping the building for weak points. For the demolitions team.

Don't they look kind of... sad? The other labrador probably had a temporary indentity crisis and thought she was a reindeer. Speaking of mental health issues, do you know they have animal psychiatrists? How the hell does that work? And don't ANYONE mention dressing dogs up in little t-shirts either or taking them to some kind of fucking dog hotel. Cats are okay. Fuck those guys.

Dogs are supposed to be dogs. They roam the countryside, take down wildebeest and hump your girlfriend's leg when you're introducing her to your parents. They have the perfect life. If I was able to do that and not get caught by your parents I probably would. Pretending they are something else entirely is demeaning and a downright disgrace.

Also I'd like to thank William Shakespeare for the whole 'twiggenbottle' thing. Mad props Bill. If you hadn't been dead for centuries, I'd buy you a beer.